am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize