I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
