Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
