o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
