Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
