i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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