Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
