Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
