I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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