We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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