how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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