Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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