Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
