Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
