Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
