it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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