I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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