I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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