Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My penis needs a shock collar
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
