how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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