I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
