ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
