my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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