And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
