If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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