So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
