I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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