respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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