How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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