He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
