The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
