you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
