Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
