I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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