doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize