Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
as a side note pls kill me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
