Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.

Fav 9 6006 1044
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(562): View more from California

Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser

Fav 3 2565 1191
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(806): View more from Texas

When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?

Fav 9 2717 1319
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(620): View more from Kansas

He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.

Fav 16 4401 1236
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(303): View more from Colorado

We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands

Fav 2 786 1157
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(573): View more from Missouri

Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.

Fav 9 1522 994
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(563): View more from Iowa

I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.

Fav 1 480 284
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me

Fav 0 77 2
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