so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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