1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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