I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
