She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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