Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
