So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
