apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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