I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
