I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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