That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
