Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
