Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
