I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
