ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
