NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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