i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
