just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Enjoy the penises
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
