you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
