my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she told me i tasted like america
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
