Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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