So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
