No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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