i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
