just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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