mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
