Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
