I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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