People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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