Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
