I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize