She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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