things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
