The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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