Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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